The Nice Guy - People Pleaser

एक हैं अनार, सौ हैं बीमार - ऐसा प्रतीत कराया जाता हैं पर होता कुछ और हैं.

I mean Illusion, Illusion, Illusion continues & the world keeps using those who are available to be exploited - जब तक आप काम के हैं, आप का स्वागत हैं 😊. Let's talk about the universal nice guy, who eventually became a People Pleaser by virtue of social environment & few self generated fears. 

 

Who is this Nice Guy - The People Pleaser (PP): 

He is a person, who tries to please/ satisfy everybody without being biased. He do not hesitate to sacrifice his time, money, efforts, resources, opportunities & likes to make others happy selflessly. अब आप कहेंगे कलयुग में ऐसे निस्वार्थ देवता कहाँ मिलेंगे - ढूंढने से तो भगवान भी मिल जाते हैं, फिर ये तो बहुतायत में हैं.

Key Characterstic Features :
Good Listener

Use their 5 senses well but speak much less than they listen and absorb. 

Truly Yes Man

Have not learnt to say no & so is stuck up with multiple tasks inspite of being burdened - लेकिन ना ना कहना 

Self Sacrifice

Performs at cost of self interest & ends up with excessive self sacrifice.

Over Committment

Too many responsibilities makes him stressed & tired.

Rely on External Validation

Loves to seek third party approvals & validation about himself & his work.

Avoid Conflict

Always tries to balance & goes extra mile to avoid contradiction/ conflict. 

Why is he so ?  

Low Self Confidence 
Lack self esteem & derive their worth from people's viewpoint for them.

Lack of Opportunity 

Had been deprived of things in past, so do not want to miss anyone
Fear of Rejection 

Fears that asserting himself may lead to disapproval or rejection & may be sidelined. Has never dared to put his view point so fear consequences. 

Is it good or bad ??? 

Before drawing any conclusions,
let's analyse it from different people's view point:

3rd Party's Perspective: They feel bad for PP, who is being used b'coz of his simplicity & availability till last possible extent. PP being performers are the worst sufferer but are valued till they are pleasing people without frowns. They empathize & feel pity for our public pleasers.   

Beneficiary's Perspective: Due to position & power, they usually have such PP in abundance so have low consideration for them. They value them (whatsoever) till they are performing and are useful for them. The moment PP denies, they flatter - push - gets angry & finally ignore the person. In nutshell, its use & throw stuff for the beneficiary.     

People Pleasure's Perspective : From nowhere to somewhere has been their journey & they give credit to said exploiting people around. They are happy the way they are - for recognition, for people's response, for few privileges, for connects which may generate (usually does not) some business & social recognition too.   

SAID POSITIVES
People Pleasers are caring & compassionate people, who can empathize well. They act more than they talk, so maintain harmonious relations with all (सब से अपनी दोस्ती, न काहू से बैर). They are cooperative & adaptive making them perfect team player.

SAID NEGATIVES 

People Pleasers put themselves last and neglect self interest, which leads to stress & unhappiness. Being openly & freely available, they lack authenticity and stay over committed, which gives rise to resentment. Finally being untrue to themselves, they lack authenticity. 

   

Before we move to conclusion with solution, its time to understand & distinguish between Authentic Kindness & People Pleasing. Its good to be genuinely kind till one is not being used to be exploited.

                  

My opinion ???
Firstly, remember its his life so I am no one to comment upon it. I am happy if he is happy😊, forget rest. Secondly, there are always few exceptions for which either of us too would love to become PP.

Few action points to be better in this selfish world : 

a)    Try positive self talk to generate self belief and confidence.

b)    Strike a balance between considerate/ accommodating and self well being. This act of balancing between personal, professional & public affairs shall help him become more confident, powerful, daring & surely happier. 

c)    Don't always be a yes man but be assertive (सीधी बात, बिना बकवास) to make a mark. Those who need you/ your services are bound to come back at your conditions, offering more respect & importance.

d)    With few exceptions, one should prioritise sequentially as under :

Family First - Business Next - Friends & Relatives Then 

- Social Circle Next - Finally All Others 

What sequence are you following dear friend 🤔 ???

Lastly, remember one can not always be assertive that too with everyone & can not also be a people pleaser SO take your best call to keep your self esteem intact enjoying continuing advantages in your given social & economica conditions. Stay happy & spread happiness & be a nice guy.